why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
