I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
