i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
