Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
