Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
