My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I deserve this hangover.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
