i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
