put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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