i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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