Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
is wine microwaveable?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
