Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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