I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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