Pants 0. Shit 1.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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