why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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