this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
