everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
