so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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