Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Couch. On fire.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
