I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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