Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
