I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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