You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
