Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I believe in your delicious
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
