does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
