honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
