She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Small penises have feelings too.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
