I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
