so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
