there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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