I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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