Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Randomize
