I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I believe in your delicious
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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