I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
