I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
