I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
