Did you just see the Batmobile???
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
