Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
