Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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