Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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