He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
