There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
