Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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