Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
