Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
