1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
