Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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