you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
