um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
