i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
