so that wasnt chicken after all
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
