i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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