i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
