coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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