I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
